Image: Pantheon of Gods by Grizzli (cc)

As you may have noticed, I’ve been winding down That’s Ireland in recent weeks. During that time, I have been working on a new blog, which is now online.

MichaelNugent.com will be mostly about two issues that I’m very passionate about:

• Understanding why and how people are happy, because happiness is the underlying reason that anybody wants anything, and
• Promoting atheism, because I believe that the idea of gods is bad for society as it makes good people do bad things.

Ironically, my interest in happiness started when I wanted to be a success. I studied what very successful people have in common. Step one: to succeed in anything big, you must start with a passionate desire. So I did an exercise to help ignite that desire. For each aim, I asked ‘why do I want this?’ and for each answer, ‘why do I want that?’ I soon discovered my underlying motivation. Beneath all of the layers of sub-reasons, I wanted anything for exactly the same real reason: because I believed getting it would make me happier. But would it? Many people remain unhappy despite fabulous success. So I shifted my focus from seeking success to the reason I wanted it… happiness.

My interest in atheism is much simpler. I am an atheist because I reject the idea that gods exist, in the same way and for the same reasons that I reject the ideas that that the earth is balanced on the back of a sea turtle, that homeopathy is more useful than a heart transplant, that Rapunzel wove her hair into a ladder or Rumpelstiltskin wove straw into gold, that stepping on a pavement crack will break my mother’s back, that a deposed Nigerian prince wants to email me several million dollars, that Uri Geller can bend spoons with his mind, that I am in danger from vampires or zombies or broken mirrors, or that I am protected by angels or leprechauns or horseshoes.

Anyway, my new blog is at MichaelNugent.com

Please check it out and let me know what you think.

I’d be grateful for any feedback, comments, etc.

Michael

You’ve probably seen the almost anonymous ‘No to Lisbon’ posters festooning the lamp posts of Dublin and probably elsewhere. If not, here are a couple of them:

Well, If they were anonymous, they would be illegal.

Section 140 of the Electoral Act 1992 makes it illegal to publish any notice, bill or poster promoting an election candidate without including the name and address of the printer and of the publisher. Section 6 of the Referendum Act 1994 applies this provision to referendums.

But these posters scrape into the legal category, because they have a tiny line of text, which is unreadable when the poster is high on a lamppost, that describes the publishers as Coir.

Coir is based at the same address as Youth Defence, and its spokesperson is Richard Greene.

Campaign against Lisbon if you want, but have the courage to let voters know who you are.

RTE do a radio show every Sunday that examines what might have been if certain political events had not happened. Today it was about what would have happened if Padraig Flynn had not appeared on the Late Late Show and prompted Tom Gilmartin to give evidence to the Flood Tribunal. I was a guest on the show, along with journalist Michael Clifford.

You can listen to it here.

What If?, RTE Radio One, Sunday 4 May 2008

During this week last year (Apr 21 to Apr 27, 2007):

• What six Irish towns passed the 10,000 population mark for the first time?
• Which TD commended the Gardai after he was arrested on suspicion of drink driving?
• What other crime had he previously been convicted of, after which he did not commend the Gardai?
• How did Ivor Callely of Fianna Fail fall foul of Council litter wardens?
• What did he do then?

Click here for answers: >>>

Answers

• Mallow, Wicklow, Arklow, Cobh, Midleton, and Ballina.
• Martin Ferris
• Attempting to smuggle seven tons of arms and explosives into Ireland for the IRA.
• They told him to remove an election banner that he had illegally hung on Fairview foootbridge.
• He removed the illegal banner, then put it back up again after the litter wardens had gone.

During this week last year (Apr 14 to Apr 20, 2007):

• How did madam Deena Edridge from Kildare make legal history?
• How much did Bank of Ireland have to pay back to customers it had wrongly charged, and why?
• How did a seven-year-old boy from Singapore, whose grandparents are from Mayo, show himself to be a child genius?
  
• Which senior negotiator of the Good Friday Agreement switched allegiance to a different political party?
• Who denied a claim by his former Garda driver that he had travelled to Manchester with a briefcase of cash in the 1990s?

Click here for answers: >>>

Answers

• She became the first woman in the history of the State to be jailed for organising prostitution.
• €1.8m. Government duty charges had been wrongly applied to 50,000 accounts wrongly designated as Irish resident accounts.
• He passed the equivalent of a Junior Certificate examination in chemistry.
• David Trimble, from the Ulster Unionists to the Conservatives.
• Yep, you guessed it.

During this week last year (Apr 7 to Apr 13, 2007), the Iona Institute published a survey of Irish awareness of Christian teaching. For each of the following questions, do you know (a) the answer and (b) how many people got it right?

• Name the Holy Trinity.
• How many Gospels are there in the New Testament?
• What is the First Commandment?
• What name is given to the changing of the body and blood of Christ in the Mass?
• What is meant by the immaculate conception?

Click here for answers: >>>

Answers

• Father, Son, Holy Ghost. Only 64% of Irish people knew this, including only 47% of under-25s.
• Four. Only 55% of Irish people knew this, including only 38% of under-25s.
• I am the Lord your God, you shall not put other Gods before me. Only 25% of Irish people knew this, including only 5% of under-25s.
• Transubstantiation. Only 19% of Irish people knew this, including only 15% of under-25s.
• Mary, the mother of Jesus, was kept free from Original Sin at the time of her conception. Only 19% of Irish people knew this, including only 10% of under-25s.

Senator Eoghan Harris has taken an early lead in the race for Eejit of the Year 2008. His article in today’s Sunday Independent both borrows a tactic perfected by last year’s winning Eejit John Waters (the famous ‘I am crying, writing this’ theme) and also ventures into unparalleled realms of eejitry of his own.

Just read this, and I defy you not to laugh: >>>

Heroic Bertie rides into the sunset, foes all in disarray

By Eoghan Harris
Sunday April 06 2008

All political dramas are westerns. Last weekend Bertie Ahern’s enemies were planning to finish him off with a high noon — or high jump. And while I was determined to be the last man standing at his side, I knew he had no hope.

So I watched with heavy heart as he stood, like a little Cuchullainn, circled by enemies, waiting for the end. But then, in a sudden, supreme stroke of strategic genius, he holstered his gun, handed his star to Brian Cowen, and rode into the sunset.

This left the townspeople looking at his media tormentors. Without Ahern in the way they could see what a nasty bunch they were. And under the public’s grim gaze the hired guns of the media began to back away, blustering about how Bertie had been a great sheriff.

But my mind was on Bertie Ahern’s bit of unfinished business back in town. Maybe he heard my cries of Shane. Because he came back.

I held my breath as he was hailed a hero. Held my breath while he got a standing ovation in UCD for bringing peace to the town. Held my breath while the media threw maudlin arms around him and told him to forget all that Mahon stuff.

And I only let that breath go when Bertie walked out of the hall, smiled at the media, and then shot the guys who gave Grainne Carruth a hard time. Because a hero avenges a fallen comrade at any cost.

Then there is a whole load of nonsense about Bertie Ahern’s greatest achievement being the demise of Sinn Fein. Followed by an aphorism-fuelled return to the Western theme:

Last week Bertie Ahern gave the lie to Enoch Powell’s aphorism about all political careers ending in failure. He did so by acting on Hegel’s aphorism that freedom is the recognition of necessity.

So instead of waiting for the inevitable push, Ahern jumped. With that one bound, our hero was free. Heroes, however, do not leave women in the lurch.

So, while I had no tears when he rode away, I wept hard when he came back for Grainne. That’s what I call a hero.

Eoghan Harris, we salute you for eejitry beyond the bounds of satire.

Some hilarious on-board commentary from driver Niall O’Connell and and co-driver John Liston as they try to overtake a slow car on a narrow straight road in the Irish National Rally Championship. It’s on YouTube via MotorSportMad.com.

As Bertie Ahern’s fate unfolded yesterday, I had this nagging feeling that I had seen it somewhere before. Then I remembered this old episode of Thomas the Tank Engine, in which Ringo Starr’s commentary is a surreally perfect allegory for the morality tale of Thomas the Tribunal versus Bertie the Bluffer.

Number 10: His visionary insights

• “With hindsight, we all have 50-50 vision.”
• “We haven’t been able to do all that we can.”
• “The cynics may point to the past but we live in the future.”
• “The grass roots, or the rank and file, are now made from fibre optics.”

Number 9: The Drumcondra Mafia

• Digout Des Richardson, who gives false invoices to stockbrokers for political donations then gives the money to Bertie Ahern as a personal gift.
• Tim Nice-but-Dim Collins, the serial bank-account-opener who uses initials like B/T and D/T for his accounts, and who told the Tribunal that “figures aren’t my forte.”
• Joe Burke, who, along with Tim Collins,  supposedly lent Ahern’s girlfriend £30,000 of Fianna Fail money, for a house, without Bertie knowing.
• Paddy the Plasterer, who Joe Higgins suggested should avoid Ivor Callaly’s house, as Callaly was in enough trouble already with the painters.

Number 8: His ethical philosophies

• “We’re not gonna hang anyone on the guillotine.”
• “I never condemn wrongdoing in any area.”
• “There is a code of ethics whereby those who have been elected to the House try to remain elected. That is the code of ethics in this House.”

Number 7: His most secretly truthful answer ever

• When Ahern was first asked about the allegations of receiving between €50,000 and €100,000, he told journalists that a lot of the report was correct but “the figures are off the wall.” This, of course, was true, because he got some of the money “off Michael Wall”.

Number 6: His peacemaking abilities

• “There have been disputes between fractions.”
• “We shouldn’t upset the apple tart.”
• “I don’t think it helps people to start throwing white elephants and red herrings at each other.”
• “At present, I have my hand in a whole lot of dykes, trying to keep them in and keep people together.”

Number 5: His tribunal evidence generally

• He has a magic briefcase that turns random uncounted bundles of Irish and English money into large exact round-sum dollar and sterling amounts.
• He once lodged £50,000, then took it out again, then converted it to Sterling, then kept in his safe for a few months, then converted it back to Irish money, then re-lodged it, in two separate amounts.
• He believes that, in 1995, he gave somebody £30,000 to buy sterling with, but he can’t remember who he gave it to.
• He bought his house from a philanthropic bus driver who attends dinners but doesn’t eat the dinners, and who had already given Ahern the house in his will anyway.

Number 4: His opinion of Charles Haughey

• “I think Charlie Haughey is basically a very good man and unfortunately he got into things like the lifestyle, and the bills caused him to do some things that I feel very strongly about.”

Number 3: His social life

• “I’ve never met a socialist in my life, and if I do, I’ll tell you.”
• “I can’t say that I have met any homosexuals.”
• “I could certainly drink a fair few pints of Bass and be capable of driving.”

Number 2: The quadruple negative

• “It is not correct, and if I said so, I was not correct, I cannot recall if I said it, but I did not say, or if I did, I did not mean to say it, that these issues could not be dealt with until the end of the Mahon tribunal. That is not what Revenue said.”

Number 1: The Bertie Ahern Problem-solving flowchart

• Am I in the Dail? Say that I can only tell the Tribunal.
• Am I at the Tribunal? Say that I can only tell the Dail.
• Am I somewhere else? Say that it’s all smoke and daggers.
• Have they stopped asking questions? Go and watch Man United.
• Are they still asking questions? Tell the High Court to make them stop. Then go and watch Man United.