That’s Ireland

Image: Pantheon of Gods by Grizzli (cc)

As you may have noticed, I’ve been winding down That’s Ireland in recent weeks. During that time, I have been working on a new blog, which is now online.

MichaelNugent.com will be mostly about two issues that I’m very passionate about:

• Understanding why and how people are happy, because happiness is the underlying reason that anybody wants anything, and
• Promoting atheism, because I believe that the idea of gods is bad for society as it makes good people do bad things.

Ironically, my interest in happiness started when I wanted to be a success. I studied what very successful people have in common. Step one: to succeed in anything big, you must start with a passionate desire. So I did an exercise to help ignite that desire. For each aim, I asked ‘why do I want this?’ and for each answer, ‘why do I want that?’ I soon discovered my underlying motivation. Beneath all of the layers of sub-reasons, I wanted anything for exactly the same real reason: because I believed getting it would make me happier. But would it? Many people remain unhappy despite fabulous success. So I shifted my focus from seeking success to the reason I wanted it… happiness.

My interest in atheism is much simpler. I am an atheist because I reject the idea that gods exist, in the same way and for the same reasons that I reject the ideas that that the earth is balanced on the back of a sea turtle, that homeopathy is more useful than a heart transplant, that Rapunzel wove her hair into a ladder or Rumpelstiltskin wove straw into gold, that stepping on a pavement crack will break my mother’s back, that a deposed Nigerian prince wants to email me several million dollars, that Uri Geller can bend spoons with his mind, that I am in danger from vampires or zombies or broken mirrors, or that I am protected by angels or leprechauns or horseshoes.

Anyway, my new blog is at MichaelNugent.com

Please check it out and let me know what you think.

I’d be grateful for any feedback, comments, etc.

Michael

You’ve probably seen the almost anonymous ‘No to Lisbon’ posters festooning the lamp posts of Dublin and probably elsewhere. If not, here are a couple of them:

Well, If they were anonymous, they would be illegal.

Section 140 of the Electoral Act 1992 makes it illegal to publish any notice, bill or poster promoting an election candidate without including the name and address of the printer and of the publisher. Section 6 of the Referendum Act 1994 applies this provision to referendums.

But these posters scrape into the legal category, because they have a tiny line of text, which is unreadable when the poster is high on a lamppost, that describes the publishers as Coir.

Coir is based at the same address as Youth Defence, and its spokesperson is Richard Greene.

Campaign against Lisbon if you want, but have the courage to let voters know who you are.

Senator Eoghan Harris has taken an early lead in the race for Eejit of the Year 2008. His article in today’s Sunday Independent both borrows a tactic perfected by last year’s winning Eejit John Waters (the famous ‘I am crying, writing this’ theme) and also ventures into unparalleled realms of eejitry of his own.

Just read this, and I defy you not to laugh: >>> (more…)

As Bertie Ahern’s fate unfolded yesterday, I had this nagging feeling that I had seen it somewhere before. Then I remembered this old episode of Thomas the Tank Engine, in which Ringo Starr’s commentary is a surreally perfect allegory for the morality tale of Thomas the Tribunal versus Bertie the Bluffer.

Number 10: His visionary insights

• “With hindsight, we all have 50-50 vision.”
• “We haven’t been able to do all that we can.”
• “The cynics may point to the past but we live in the future.”
• “The grass roots, or the rank and file, are now made from fibre optics.”

Number 9: The Drumcondra Mafia

• Digout Des Richardson, who gives false invoices to stockbrokers for political donations then gives the money to Bertie Ahern as a personal gift.
• Tim Nice-but-Dim Collins, the serial bank-account-opener who uses initials like B/T and D/T for his accounts, and who told the Tribunal that “figures aren’t my forte.”
• Joe Burke, who, along with Tim Collins,  supposedly lent Ahern’s girlfriend £30,000 of Fianna Fail money, for a house, without Bertie knowing.
• Paddy the Plasterer, who Joe Higgins suggested should avoid Ivor Callaly’s house, as Callaly was in enough trouble already with the painters.

Number 8: His ethical philosophies

• “We’re not gonna hang anyone on the guillotine.”
• “I never condemn wrongdoing in any area.”
• “There is a code of ethics whereby those who have been elected to the House try to remain elected. That is the code of ethics in this House.”

Number 7: His most secretly truthful answer ever

• When Ahern was first asked about the allegations of receiving between €50,000 and €100,000, he told journalists that a lot of the report was correct but “the figures are off the wall.” This, of course, was true, because he got some of the money “off Michael Wall”.

Number 6: His peacemaking abilities

• “There have been disputes between fractions.”
• “We shouldn’t upset the apple tart.”
• “I don’t think it helps people to start throwing white elephants and red herrings at each other.”
• “At present, I have my hand in a whole lot of dykes, trying to keep them in and keep people together.”

Number 5: His tribunal evidence generally

• He has a magic briefcase that turns random uncounted bundles of Irish and English money into large exact round-sum dollar and sterling amounts.
• He once lodged £50,000, then took it out again, then converted it to Sterling, then kept in his safe for a few months, then converted it back to Irish money, then re-lodged it, in two separate amounts.
• He believes that, in 1995, he gave somebody £30,000 to buy sterling with, but he can’t remember who he gave it to.
• He bought his house from a philanthropic bus driver who attends dinners but doesn’t eat the dinners, and who had already given Ahern the house in his will anyway.

Number 4: His opinion of Charles Haughey

• “I think Charlie Haughey is basically a very good man and unfortunately he got into things like the lifestyle, and the bills caused him to do some things that I feel very strongly about.”

Number 3: His social life

• “I’ve never met a socialist in my life, and if I do, I’ll tell you.”
• “I can’t say that I have met any homosexuals.”
• “I could certainly drink a fair few pints of Bass and be capable of driving.”

Number 2: The quadruple negative

• “It is not correct, and if I said so, I was not correct, I cannot recall if I said it, but I did not say, or if I did, I did not mean to say it, that these issues could not be dealt with until the end of the Mahon tribunal. That is not what Revenue said.”

Number 1: The Bertie Ahern Problem-solving flowchart

• Am I in the Dail? Say that I can only tell the Tribunal.
• Am I at the Tribunal? Say that I can only tell the Dail.
• Am I somewhere else? Say that it’s all smoke and daggers.
• Have they stopped asking questions? Go and watch Man United.
• Are they still asking questions? Tell the High Court to make them stop. Then go and watch Man United.

I’ve just noticed a very clever question from Tribunal barrister Des O’Neill, which exposes yet another plot hole in Bertie Ahern’s fairytale of Drumcondra. This one involves Tim ‘Nice-but-Dim’ Collins, the serial account opener who claims that figures are not his forte, contradicting a key element of Ahern’s sworn evidence. I’m sure this exchange will feature in the Tribunal’s final report. >>> (more…)

Here’s an interesting sight from yesterday on Drumcondra Road - a large-scale digout operation going on in front of Saint Luke’s, Bertie Ahern’s famous constituency office cum sleepover pad cum informal financing office.

So what is going on? Perhaps, as Ahern feared at the Tribunal, Saint Lukes is actually sliding into the Tolka (presumably underneath the several buildings in between it and the river)? Or perhaps the digout is an audacious tunnelling attempt to reach Ahern’s infamous ’safe safe’? You know, the one that turns random uncounted bundles of Irish and English money into large exact round-sum dollar and sterling amounts? Or a briefcase of £30,000 in cash left by Michael Wall for Ahern? Or an envelope with £20,000 in cash left by Tim Collins for Joe Burke?

A quick thought arose when I read today that Bertie Ahern sees a hard economic year ahead. He said that we won’t escape the effects of an American recession, and that:

Every 10,000 houses less that are built knocks 1 per cent off growth and that takes a fair bit out [of the employment figures]. That’s the rule of thumb. It also takes a considerable amount of revenue out as well. We are not going to see bounce-back in that in the short term.

And I wondered, can this be the same man who said last July that he doesn’t know how people who crib and moan about the economy don’t commit suicide?

With Ian Paisley announcing his retirement, here are a few clips from YouTube of the Big Man in action. First, Paisley calls the Pope the Antichrist at the UN Assembly in 1988. Which is of course funny, but even funnier is the news commentary at the start, which reveals that a display of bronze nudes had been removed from the UN lobby for fear of offending the Papal entourage.

Still to come are:

• ‘Never! Never! Never!’
• Fundamentalism versus Apostasy
• Paisley making pancakes in Ballymena

And here they are: >>> (more…)

I am surprised that the media has not followed up on the report in Sunday’s Irish Mail that ‘Digout Des’ Richardson and Tim Collins had an account called the ‘D/T’ account in the same branch of the Irish Permanent as Bertie Ahern’s mysterious ‘B/T’ account. If this is true, it seems at least possible that the B/T account stands for ‘Bertie and Tim’ and not, as Ahern told the tribunal, ‘Building/Trust’.

I was at the Tribunal on the day that the Tribunal barrister, Mr O’Neill, was asking Ahern questions about the ‘B/T’ account, into which donations to Fianna Fail were lodged and from which £30,000 was withdrawn to enable Ahern’s girlfriend to buy a house. In light of the emergence of the ‘D/T’ account, Ahern’s evidence on that day makes fascinating reading. >>> (more…)

So today we have news of:

• A property developer telling a court that his brother sprayed him in the face with a water hose during an argument about painting a fence, while the brother counters that he was laughing at his hose.
• A community activist telling a tribunal that a property developer kicked another property developer in the shins at a meeting, causing him to respond ‘Jesus, Owen, what are you kicking me for?’
• Our Finance Minister telling the Dail that he has confidence in our Prime Minister, who has used political donations to their political party to help buy a house for himself, as has his girlfriend.

Seriously, it’s like living inside a bad sit-com.

I’ve been away from the blog for a few days, because of unavoidable interruptions from real life, so I don’t know if anybody has been wrong on the Internet while I’ve been away (great cartoon found by Damien Mulley). However, after a few days reflection, I’m now thinking much more clearly about Bertie Ahern and the Tribunal.

At this stage, it doesn’t really matter what findings the Tribunal eventually makes about Bertie Ahern taking bribes from Owen O’Callaghan. Because, even on the basis of Ahern’s own evidence, which is the best spin that he and his supporters can put on things, Bertie Ahern is unfit for public office.

Imagine if Owen O’Callaghan never existed, and the Tribunal had never been established, and yet we somehow became aware of the following behaviour by our Prime Minister. Here’s the situation if Ahern is telling the truth:

• Our Prime Minister took money from businessmen, and put it towards buying a house for himself. He did not pay tax on at least some of this money, which he has described as ‘a political donation for personal use.’
• Our Prime Minister lodged several times his salary into various bank accounts, in his own name, his girlfriend’s name, and his friend Tim Collins name, and he has given varying and unbelievable explanations for these lodgements.
• Our Prime Minister accepted money from friends and businessmen who he appointed to state boards. He said that he appointed them not because they gave him money, but because they were his friends.
• Our Prime Minister was aware for over a decade that political party funds in his constituency had been given to his girlfriend for her to buy a house. This money was not repaid until the Tribunal found out about it.
• Our Prime Minister told our national parliament that he had consulted the tax authorities about certain personal financial transactions of his, when this was not true. He later claimed that ‘the tax authorities’ means his personal tax advisers.

I could go on, but there is more than enough there. Even if he had never met Owen O’Callaghan, Bertie Ahern is unfit for public office. And that is on the basis of Ahern’s own evidence about his personal finances. Bertie Ahern has corrupted the offices of Finance Minister and Taoiseach, and Fianna Fail, the Green Party and the PDs are corrupting Irish politics by allowing Ahern to stay in office.

As Bertie Ahern prepares for his political lap of dishonour by addressing the US Houses of Congress, he is probably wondering what to include in his speech. Maybe he could discuss the similarities between Tammany Hall, which was a strong political machine dominated by Irish immigrants in New York in the 1800s, and Fianna Fail, which is a strong political machine founded by a New York immigrant in Ireland in the 1900s.

The above cartoon by Thomas Nast portrays Tammany hall as a tiger killing democracy, an icon that came to symbolise its influence. Here are six more comparisons between Tammany Hall and Fianna Fail: >>> (more…)

You know that the credibility of politics has taken something of a battering when a picture of a very honest former Taoiseach appears by accident in an RTE news item about his son being accused of taking a bribe.

For some years, one of my cultural and political hobby horses has been wondering how many generations it will take before the 29 counties and five cities of the Republic of Ireland become accepted as the current counties of the State.

The traditional ‘32 counties of Ireland’ were gradually imposed, over several centuries, when the island of Ireland was under English rule. At any given time, the counties represented the areas under English rule, whereas the non-county parts of the island were still under Gaelic rule.

Since the Republic of Ireland became an independent State, the elected representatives of the Irish people have changed the counties of Ireland. Today, the Republic of Ireland has 29 counties and five cities that have the same status as counties. Here is a full list of them: >>> (more…)

Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny began yesterday’s Dail session with one of the most bizarre debating tactics that anybody could imagine, skilfully snatching defeat from the jaws of victory by briefly entering a parallel universe.

First, Kenny asked Taoiseach Bertie Ahern about the forthcoming national pay talks, the recent benchmarking report, and the recent industrial relations dispute in Aer Lingus. Ahern responded by describing the background to these issues.

Kenny followed up by focusing on the benchmarking report, contrasting the pay rise for Ministers of €38,000 to the treatment of frontline nurses. In the course of a lengthy second reply, Ahern countered that nobody, including nurses, had been promised that benchmarking would guarantee them a pay rise.

Kenny remained on the attack, again contrasting the pay rise for Ministers to the treatment of frontline nurses who work in overcrowded accident and emergency departments. How could the Taoiseach hope to manage pay expectations when Ministers had accepted such a large pay rise, he challenged?

And then, while the under-pressure Taoiseach was composing his third reply, Kenny unsheathed the metaphorical sword that would deliver the killer thrust of the debate. “I wish to ask a different question in respect of Aer Lingus”, he added ominously.

It seemed as if Kenny was going to hit Ahern with an unanswerable unified theory of the economic problems facing our social partnership, combining the forthcoming pay talks with benchmarking, Ministerial pay rises, frontline nurses, and now the recent industrial relations dispute in Aer Lingus.

Instead, this is the question that he asked: >>> (more…)

See also: Bertie Ahern at the Tribunal Part1

In the morning of Mr Ahern’s first day of evidence, Mr O’Neill, on behalf of the Tribunal, had said that this session of questioning would be focusing on five transactions, all of which involved foreign exchange transactions. As a lead-in to discussing these transactions, Mr O’Neill had been outlining the sequence of letters between the Tribunal and Mr Ahern from October 2004 onwards.

The following summary from the afternoon’s evidence brings us to the end of 2006. By this time, the Tribunal was still looking for information from Mr Ahern that it had been asking him about for more than two years. Meanwhile, in the real world, Mr Ahern had given an emotional interview to Brian Dobson of RTE, and had made a statement to the Dail, assuring the people of Ireland that he was co-operating fully with the Tribunal.

Here are the details. >>> (more…)

Even by his own high standards of garbling the English language, Bertie Ahern excelled himself yesterday with this reply to a Dail question about his taxes:

It is not correct, and if I said so, I was not correct, I cannot recall if I said it, but I did not say, or if I did, I did not mean to say it, that these issues could not be dealt with until the end of the Mahon tribunal. That is not what Revenue said.

After a few more mangled sentences from the Taoiseach, Labour Party leader Eamon Gilmore responded somewhat more clearly:

We will need to examine the written record to parse the Taoiseach’s exact statement, but there is no parsing necessary in a headline that appeared in the Irish Mail on Sunday of 30 December, which stated: “Bertie lied about tax”.

Gilmore then wondered whether Ahern was going to sue the Irish Mail on Sunday for calling him a liar. This led to this intriguing exchange: >>> (more…)