That’s Ireland

Senator Eoghan Harris has taken an early lead in the race for Eejit of the Year 2008. His article in today’s Sunday Independent both borrows a tactic perfected by last year’s winning Eejit John Waters (the famous ‘I am crying, writing this’ theme) and also ventures into unparalleled realms of eejitry of his own.

Just read this, and I defy you not to laugh: >>> (more…)

Some hilarious on-board commentary from driver Niall O’Connell and and co-driver John Liston as they try to overtake a slow car on a narrow straight road in the Irish National Rally Championship. It’s on YouTube via MotorSportMad.com.

As Bertie Ahern’s fate unfolded yesterday, I had this nagging feeling that I had seen it somewhere before. Then I remembered this old episode of Thomas the Tank Engine, in which Ringo Starr’s commentary is a surreally perfect allegory for the morality tale of Thomas the Tribunal versus Bertie the Bluffer.

On this week last year (Mar 31 to Apr 6, 2007):

• How much petrol could you buy for the same price as a litre of bottled water?
• In a survey of teenagers in the midlands and north-east, what was the average age that they first got drunk? And how many said they had been drinking on at least six of the previous 30 days?
• What was unusual about the decision that a former Circuit Court judge was to receive a lump sum payment from the State of €57,000, and an annual pension of €19,000?
• Who arrived in Dublin and said: “I have to shake this man’s hand. I’ll give him a grip,” and who was he talking about?
• What happened to former Fianna Fail Councillor, Michael Fahy, the day before he was due to begin a 12 month jail sentence for misappropriating funds from Galway County Council?

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

On this week last year (Mar 24 to Mar 30, 2007):

• Which Green Party TD called for an end to ‘crass cronyism’ in the way appointments are made to public bodies, and added that if there is to be a change in Government, ‘there has to be a change of culture too’?
• Which Green Party TD, a few months later, lost his seat in the General Election and was then appointed to the Senate by Bertie Ahern?
• What proportion of Irish businesses did Office of Tobacco Control report were in breach of the smoking ban?
• What proportion of public houses did Office of Tobacco Control report were in breach of the smoking ban?
• Which former Fianna Fail Minister said on RTE that, after twenty years in office, he now had to ‘actually find where the Aer Lingus desk is and join the queue like everybody else’ at airports, and also ‘look at things that I didn’t know existed, which are monitors which show your arrivals and departures and the times and the boarding gates - that is all totally new, a totally new world.’

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

From the Ireland.com homepage of the Irish Times today:

Actually, McDowell won $333,000 of a $2.9m prize fund.

Here’s an interesting sight from yesterday on Drumcondra Road - a large-scale digout operation going on in front of Saint Luke’s, Bertie Ahern’s famous constituency office cum sleepover pad cum informal financing office.

So what is going on? Perhaps, as Ahern feared at the Tribunal, Saint Lukes is actually sliding into the Tolka (presumably underneath the several buildings in between it and the river)? Or perhaps the digout is an audacious tunnelling attempt to reach Ahern’s infamous ’safe safe’? You know, the one that turns random uncounted bundles of Irish and English money into large exact round-sum dollar and sterling amounts? Or a briefcase of £30,000 in cash left by Michael Wall for Ahern? Or an envelope with £20,000 in cash left by Tim Collins for Joe Burke?

Sadly, another week has passed during which real life has interrupted my blog posting. However, nothing can stop the Monday Quiz. On this week last year (Mar 17 to Mar 23, 2007):

• Which Government Minister cost most to travel on their Saint Patrick’s Day junket - Martin Cullen going to San Francisco, Noel Dempsey going to Dallas and Houston, or Mary harney going to Scandinavia?
• Which Junior Minister cost most to travel on their Saint Patrick’s Day Junket - Pat ‘the Cope’ Gallagher going to Atlanta and Philadelphia, Michael Ahern going to Kuala Lumpar and Singapore, or Tom Parlon going to South Africa?
• Why was former Fianna Fail Councillor Michael ‘the Stroke’ Fahey of Galway jailed for twelve months and fined €75,000?
• Whey were 400 prisoners or former prisoners suing the State?
• What shock did passengers on two Aer Lingus flights to Rome get?

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

On this week last year (Mar 10 to Mar 16, 2007):

• How did a young Dublin beggar change a law introduced during the famine?
• Who was Falmouth Kearney, and why was he in the news?
• What territorial occupation did the Minister for the Environment oppose?
• Why did Bebo remove pages by Limerick teenagers?
• Who distributed 50,000 free books at public events and through letterboxes in Dublin South East?

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

Some options available for online purchase by the discerning Irish parader:

You can buy the top row from Speak Up Designs, the middle row from FlippinSweetGear, and the bottom row from CafePress.

This is what might have been if Oasis were from Donegal (a video tribute from YouTube user Cornyack):

Here are some peculiar news items from this week, starring Pat Kenny, GV Wright, Kevin Myers and a stash of pornography (but, sadly, not all together). >>> (more…)

With Ian Paisley announcing his retirement, here are a few clips from YouTube of the Big Man in action. First, Paisley calls the Pope the Antichrist at the UN Assembly in 1988. Which is of course funny, but even funnier is the news commentary at the start, which reveals that a display of bronze nudes had been removed from the UN lobby for fear of offending the Papal entourage.

Still to come are:

• ‘Never! Never! Never!’
• Fundamentalism versus Apostasy
• Paisley making pancakes in Ballymena

And here they are: >>> (more…)

Just a link today, but this is funny as hell.

http://www.catholic.ie

On this week last year (Mar 3 to Mar 9, 2007):

• How many Irish people wanted to lose weight, and how much weight on average did they want to lose?
• How many Irish people said that watching television was their most common way of passing time outside of work?
  
• How many people were on the Irish sex offenders’ register?
• How many Irish people were being infected with the MRSA superbug every year?
• How many helicopters were registered in Ireland?

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

On this week last year (February 25 to Mar 2, 2007):

• Why did former broadcaster Gay Byrne cause a stir when he posed for a photograph beside a TD who was launching his re-election campaign?
• Why did former rugby star Peter Clohessy apologise to English and Irish rugby fans about an incident in his bar?
• What imaginary group of people did Bertie Ahern accuse of betraying the best traditions of Irish republicanism?
• What was unusual about Junior Health Minister Tim O’Malley’s announcement that he was going to close down a mental health facility in Cork?
• Who did Bertie Ahern say would have to ‘wait his turn’ for extra staff?

Click here for answers: >>> (more…)

As Bertie Ahern prepares for his political lap of dishonour by addressing the US Houses of Congress, he is probably wondering what to include in his speech. Maybe he could discuss the similarities between Tammany Hall, which was a strong political machine dominated by Irish immigrants in New York in the 1800s, and Fianna Fail, which is a strong political machine founded by a New York immigrant in Ireland in the 1900s.

The above cartoon by Thomas Nast portrays Tammany hall as a tiger killing democracy, an icon that came to symbolise its influence. Here are six more comparisons between Tammany Hall and Fianna Fail: >>> (more…)

As a follow-up to the Legal Case of the Serpent versus God at the Garden of Eden, here is my take on another fun Biblical tale - Noah getting drunk and naked after his cruise on the magic Ark.

Noah is sitting by a table, drinking wine. His clothes are falling off him, and he is partly naked. Mrs Noah, and their sons Shem, Ham and Japeth arrive with a birthday cake.

ALL
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, dear Noah, happy birthday to you!

MRS NOAH
Congratulations, dear! Six hundred and one years old today! And we’re back on dry land.

>>> (more…)