That’s Ireland

Here’s a prank letter that I wrote a good few years ago to Brandon Books, who had published a book of poetry by Labour Party TD (and, at the time, Government Minister) Michael D Higgins. It’s from an up-and-coming poet. >>>

Letter to Brandon Books

Dear Editor,

I greatly enjoyed your book of poems by Michael D. Higgins. It has inspired me to write the following three poems - perhaps you would consider including them in a future anthology.

The first is an unattainable quest to capture the very uncapturability of Minister Higgins’ unique politico-cultural essence.

It is titled: MICHAEL D

michael d, michael d.
nonconformability.
poignancy.
potpourri.
michael d, michael d.

The second is a satirical attempt to combine the reality of unsavoury language with the harsh ‘empathy-deficit’ of Irish feminism.

It is titled: THE TRENDY BORN PERSON

‘SPUC? Fuck SPUC!’
Said the trendy BORN person.

The third, paradoxocally, is a celebration of that same feminism and illustrates the diversity of Irish socio-political thought.

It is titled: SEX-CHANGE TECHNOLOGY

We now have the sex-change technology
To give you a womb
And let you experience
The wonders of child-birth…
‘Go fuck yourself,’ said the MAN.

What do you think? I’d appreciate any (constructive!) feedback. How many more poems should I write? Can you publish them? I’m checking with Minister Higgins about getting tax-free status before publication.

Again, congratulations on your (literally!) inspirational book.

Yours sincerely,
John Mackay

Reply from Brandon Books

Here’s the reply that I got from Michael D’s publishers.