Archive for September, 2007
The Irish Star Who Became a Planet
If you discover a minor planet, you get to suggest a name for it. Most are named after scientists, explorers or composers, but some have been named after popular entertainers including the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Pink Floyd, Mike Oldfield, Procul Harum, Bruce Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, Yes and Eric Clapton. But who is the only Irish musician to have a planet named after them? >>> (more…)
2 comments September 30, 2007
Quiz - Irish Counties Named After People
Here are the meanings of fourteen Irish County names, from the whole island, that are named after people or tribes. How many of them do you know? It includes two of the new Counties that the Irish Government created in 2001, Counties Fingal and Dun Laoghaire Rathdown.
- Cainneach’s Church
- Ciar’s People
- Coman’s Height
- Eoghan’s Territory
- Failghe’s People
- Foreigner’s Fort
- Galvia’s River
- Laoghaire’s Fort
- The Laoigis (iron-age picts)
- Macha’s Height
- Manach’s Men
- O’Farrell’s Fort
- Viking Meadow
- White Foreigner
Answers just a click away: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 30, 2007
This is Literally a Paine-Full Pun
While the battery-pun joke is still current, here is another of my favourites. The American pamphleteer Thomas Paine is walking through Dublin, and he steps into a large puddle. He goes into the Irish Times office, grabs some newspapers from the desk, throws them onto the floor and starts wiping his feet on them. The man behind the desk asks what he is doing, and he replies: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 29, 2007
Quiz - Irish Counties Named after Places
Here are the meanings of twenty Irish County names, from the whole island, that are named mostly after geographical features. How many of them do you know? I have included the original names for Counties Dublin and Tipperary, although in 2001 the Irish Government divided the old County Dublin into three new Counties, and divided the old County Tipperary into two new Counties.
- Abounding in Shells
- Black Pool
- Fjord of the Flats
- The Fort
- Grey Hill-Ridge
- The Hollow
- The Marsh
- The Middle
- The Oak Grove
- Oak Tree Church
- Place of Shrubs
- The Plain
- Plain of Ewe Trees
- Quadruple Lake
- The River Lud
- River of Cloaks
- Solitary Farm
- Weather Haven
- The Well of Ara
- West Central
Answers just a click away: >>> (more…)
1 comment September 29, 2007
FAI Postpones Cup Final for Junket in Surf City
The ever-comical FAI has just announced that this year’s FAI Cup Final will take place on Sunday, December 2, a week later than scheduled. That’s a full three weeks after the League of Ireland season ends, which seems unusually bizarre, even for the FAI. That is, until you realize that the original Cup Final date clashed with an FAI junket to South Africa’s ‘Surf City’ of Durban. Here’s how I suspect that the clowns in Merrion Square took this decision: >>> (more…)
1 comment September 28, 2007
Prank Letter - Reply from Michael D Higgins
On Wednesday I posted this prank letter that I sent to Michael D Higgins when he was Minister for Arts, Culture and the Gaeltacht. Here’s the reply that I got from the poetic politico: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 28, 2007
What Else Would You Do With a Battery?
Son of Stan, on TheBohs.com Forum, spotted this powerfully puntastic news headline on the RTE website yesterday:
Waterford Councillor Charged With Battery
Which reminds me of my favourite battery-related pun joke: >>> (more…)
3 comments September 27, 2007
The Irish Eurovision Poem
John Cav of the New(ish) Journalism is thinking of adding creative writing to his blog. Huzzah! As a somewhat lazy form of encouragement, I have composed this deeply meaningful free-verse poem which consists of the first line of each of Ireland’s Eurovision Song Contest winners.
I’ve been waiting such a long time looking out for you;
I hear your voice on the wind, and I hear you call out my name.
Sometimes I watch you passing by my window,
Showing no emotion, my feelings locked inside.
I remember ’62, I was sixteen and so were you;
Don’t, don’t close your heart to how you feel…
Snowdrops and daffodils, butterflies and bees.
For maximum effect, you should read it slowly in a William Shatner voice. If you’re curious, here are the songs that they are the first lines of: >>> (more…)
1 comment September 27, 2007
Prank Letter to Michael D Higgins
In my prank letter to Brandon Books, publishers of the poetry of Michael D Higgins, I mentioned that I had also written to Michael D, who was then a Government Minister. Here’s that letter, again from an up-and-coming poet. >>> (more…)
Add comment September 26, 2007
Did You Give This Man $45,000?
I was at the Mahon Tribunal yesterday, listening to the latest fantastic twists in the fable of Bertie Ahern and the Magic Briefcase, and I have designed these two posters making public appeals that could solve all of the mysteries.
And here is the second poster, which deals with Ahern’s latest story - that he believes that he gave somebody £30,000 to buy sterling with, but he can’t remember who he gave it to. >>> (more…)
8 comments September 25, 2007
That’s Ireland Reaches One-Hit-Wonder Status
Thanks for reading That’s Ireland! An electronic carrier pigeon has just brought news that - for one glorious day - you helped make this the 52nd most popular blog (and 29th most popular English-language blog) on WordPress.com. Thanks also to The Guardian’s Guide magazine for the nice review on Sep 8. >>> (more…)
Add comment September 24, 2007
Prank Letter - Reply from Michael D’s Publisher
This is one of my favourite replies to a prank letter. On Friday I posted this prank letter that I sent to the Brandon Books, who had published the poetry of Michael D Higgins, with some proposed poems of my own. Here’s the marvelous reply that I got from Brandon Books: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 24, 2007
Monday Quiz 14 - Angry Mobs & Leggy Distractions
On this week last year (September 24 to September 30, 2006):
- What leading politician had to hide behind a bus because an angry mob was throwing handfuls of gravel at him?
- What leading politician got stuck for five minutes between floors in a broken lift, and eventually had to crawl out through a gap at his feet?
- In a survey, how many Irish drivers admitted to (a) breaking the speed limit; (b) using a mobile phone when driving; (c) driving while over the alcohol limit?
- It was announced that what Northern Ireland odd couple had arranged to meet for the first time ever?
- Who said the following and what was he talking about? I had to go over to London to get my head measured and all for the wigs, but it helped to have a beautiful leggy distraction keeping them from paying too much attention.
Click here for answers: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 24, 2007
Ireland on YouTube Part 4 - Grafton Street Buskers
Here are ten great videos of buskers on Dublin’s Grafton Street, starting with Niall Lawlor, an extremely talented guitarist who I’ve often listened to while in town. This video was uploaded by YouTube user Devilock79. And there are more YouTube clips of Lawlor in action here, here and here.
Meanwhile, up at the Stephen’s Green end of the street, here is a very acrobatic limbo dancer, courtesy of SneakySnufflez.
Eight more Grafton Street busking videos are just a click away, including:
- Gypsy jazz from Bristol band Sheelanagig
- An exhilarating drum solo by Gavin Ryan from Cork
- Guitar Dan playing Mark Knopfler style
- An amazing football keepy-uppy routine
- James O’Toole and band rocking in a free world
- Polish busker Pan Witek and a very drunk passer-by
- Two very talented guitarists in action
- An atmospheric stroll down Grafton Street
And here they are: >>> (more…)
4 comments September 23, 2007
Quiz - First Ten Irish Number One Singles in UK
Do you know the first ten singles by Irish artists to reach Number One in the UK charts? As clues, here are the initial letters:
- 1955 - S.S. by R.M.
- 1964 - D. by T.B.
- 1970 - A.K.O.E. by D.
- 1972 - C. by G.O’S.
- 1973 - G.D. by G.O’S.
- 1978 - R.T. by T.B.R.
- 1979 - I.D.L.M. by T.B.R.
- 1980 - W.A.Y. by J.L.
- 1985 - A.G.H. by F.S.
- 1986 - L.I.R. by C.D.B.
Answers just a click away: >>> (more…)
Add comment September 22, 2007
Prank Letter to Michael D Higgins’ Publishers
Here’s a prank letter that I wrote a good few years ago to Brandon Books, who had published a book of poetry by Labour Party TD (and, at the time, Government Minister) Michael D Higgins. It’s from an up-and-coming poet. >>> (more…)
3 comments September 21, 2007
FAI = Total Official Looniness Abroad
Unsurprisingly, if you re-arrange the letters FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION OF IRELAND, you get the anagram TOTAL OFFICIAL LOONINESS ABROAD.
- Did you know that Jack Charlton became Ireland manager by accident because the FAI messed up an attempt to give the job to someone else?
- Or that Eoin Hand became Ireland manager because an FAI board member thought that his rival candidate had once thrown a bun at him?
These are just two of my Twelve Maddest Things That The FAI Has Done, from an article I wrote in last Saturday’s Irish Independent. Here’s the full list: >>> (more…)
2 comments September 20, 2007
Prank Letter - Reply from President McAleese
On Monday I posted this prank letter that I sent to the President of Ireland, Mary McAleese, wanting to confirm an unusual urban-legend-style anecdote about her for a book. Here’s the reply that I got: >>> (more…)
2 comments September 19, 2007
Devout Irish Catholics and English Homosexuals
It’s a while since I reviewed the Hibernian Magazine, in which a former IRA man edits the best Retro-Catholic-Nationalist propaganda this side of the poetry of Padraig Pearse. Issue three, from July 2006, asks this presumably rhetorical question about the patriots who fought against the Black and Tans:
It is highly doubtful that the men of the Flying Columns, many of whom were extremely devout Catholics who prayed the Rosary together before military engagements with the enemy, would be impressed by current political developments… Would these heroes not be appalled at the antics of modern day Sinn Fein and Labour who ponce along O’Connell Street in Dublin with swarms of English homosexuals promoting sodomy as a lifestyle choice?
As usual, read on and be enlightened. >>> (more…)
4 comments September 18, 2007
The Most Secretly Truthful Answer Ever!
It seems there was no need for the Tribunal at all. A year ago, when Bertie Ahern was first asked about the allegations of receiving between €50,000 and €100,000, he told journalists that a lot of the report was correct but:
The figures are off the wall.
Which, of course, was true. Because he got the money ‘off Michael Wall’.
The Da Bertie Code in action. He almost deserves to get away with it.
1 comment September 17, 2007
